[Danny was confused, a mess of emotions that he couldn't figure out where one ended and the other began. He's never loved anyone the way he loves Alex, never wanted anyone the way he wants Alex. But after everything Danny's told him, the harsh truths about his past that he shared, Alex is still lying to him.
He could excuse it, at first, because he knows everyone has their secrets, parts of themselves that it's easier to hide from the world. He thought he could understand because he loves Alex so much that a few lies couldn't diminish the way he feels.
But at some point. After he'd come home from work only to find out the Alex wasn't coming over, wasn't answering his texts, didn't want to see him, that he knew he couldn't do it like this anymore. He didn't want to think that Alex didn't love him as much, didn't want him as much, so it was easier to blame it on the lies and secrecy. Something was going on, it had to be that, and Alex was distancing himself because of it. He told himself that over and over, it wasn't him, it was the lies. Alex still loves him. Alex still wants him.
He invites Alex to meet him, almost demands it, though his text message has no tone, but he repeats himself a couple of times, makes it seem urgent. Danny tells Alex to meet him where they first met, that very first time, and then he slips his jacket on and goes to the bridge. He stands there, waiting, arms wrapped around himself, and it's late, so there aren't many people around. He doesn't want to have this conversation in their flats, knows that he'll be weak looking into those eyes if there's nothing around him to keep him steady.]
Alex.
[Danny takes a deep breath, keeps his eyes down and doesn't bring them up when Alex gets close.]
[It's an odd meeting place, to be sure, one he doesn't expect, but finding himself back on this bridge actually feels a bit nostalgic. That is not a feeling Alex has had a lot of experience with until recently. Not many things in his life to really feel like that about, save for a few stolen moments with his real mother, tainted though they are by other memories of Frances and that house.
This place also feels safe, perhaps even from them. It felt a little like that before he met Danny, too, when his morning jogs always brought him here, but that morning all those months ago when he he'd met the distressed, dark haired young man who most certainly had not been fine despite insisting otherwise, that made this place special, untouchable.
He notices how Danny doesn't look at him when he arrives, which is so different from usual. That alone makes Alex want to go to him, to touch him, to offer a and, but all he does is get closer, enough to stand beside him on the sidewalk, facing the water. He doesn't want to be distant, but he can already tell by the way Danny says his name that he was right, that there is something wrong.
And then there it is. We need to talk. The words feel so much like Danny's declaration that he ought to see other people, an incident that seems like months ago now. Much longer before that, too, before Danny, Alex remembers overhearing a talk between two of his coworkers at the office, a couple of more relaxed technicians. One of them went on about how his lady friend had texted him with a 'we need to talk' and the other had frowned and gone on to express how this was not a good thing at all. Alex had paid it little mind at the time, or tried to, as it only served to make him more aware of how alone he was.
But now, here, Danny is saying it. Is this it, he wonders, is this the end? His mouth opens momentarily to speak before he closes it again. He could say he's sorry, could ask Danny if he wants to leave, or promise things will be better or--
No. He closes his mouth, gives a nod, and just decides to wait for Danny to speak. The repeated text messages, toneless or not, and this choice of meeting place is enough for him to know that Danny must very badly want to say whatever it is he's going to, perhaps he's wanted to ever since this distance between them began. Alex could probably do more, perhaps, but waiting for Danny to talk seemed like the best option. Danny always seemed to take his silence as an assent to keep talking anyway, which it typically was. He liked to hear him talk.
Now he found himself dreading it in a way he hadn't since the start of their relationship.]
[Danny isn't sure if Alex's silence makes him feel better or worse, overall, but it sparks an unusual sense of agitation. He's hurt by it all, by everything, he's let Alex in closer than he has anyone else, and it makes him feel exposed and vulnerable. He struggles to keep his tone even, knows that Alex can tell that he's upset though he's trying to hide it.]
I told you I didn't want any secrets, not between us anymore.
[They may be alone, but Danny's never been the type to make a scene in public, that plus the expression on Alex's face draws him closer, close enough to touch but he doesn't touch him.]
I'd meant me, so I told you everything, because I had to. I couldn't tell you I loved you on one breath and not be honest on another.
[He's building up to what he wants to say, how he wants to say it, and swallows roughly.]
It was, um, fine before, that you didn't tell me everything. Your job, it's a secret, I've known that. You can't tell me everything, and that was okay. [Danny's hands curl up inside his pockets, and he flicks his head in frustration, raising his eyes to meet Alex's.] It's not anymore.
I love you so much, Alex. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I know this is all new to you, it just is, but.
[His tongue darts out, wetting his dry lips.]
You don't have to tell me everything, you don't have to be around all the time, you don't have to text or call me often. But you've been pulling away, we barely see each other. I miss you. [His face scrunches up.] Do you not want be with me anymore? Have I done something?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
He could excuse it, at first, because he knows everyone has their secrets, parts of themselves that it's easier to hide from the world. He thought he could understand because he loves Alex so much that a few lies couldn't diminish the way he feels.
But at some point. After he'd come home from work only to find out the Alex wasn't coming over, wasn't answering his texts, didn't want to see him, that he knew he couldn't do it like this anymore. He didn't want to think that Alex didn't love him as much, didn't want him as much, so it was easier to blame it on the lies and secrecy. Something was going on, it had to be that, and Alex was distancing himself because of it. He told himself that over and over, it wasn't him, it was the lies. Alex still loves him. Alex still wants him.
He invites Alex to meet him, almost demands it, though his text message has no tone, but he repeats himself a couple of times, makes it seem urgent. Danny tells Alex to meet him where they first met, that very first time, and then he slips his jacket on and goes to the bridge. He stands there, waiting, arms wrapped around himself, and it's late, so there aren't many people around. He doesn't want to have this conversation in their flats, knows that he'll be weak looking into those eyes if there's nothing around him to keep him steady.]
Alex.
[Danny takes a deep breath, keeps his eyes down and doesn't bring them up when Alex gets close.]
We need to talk.
no subject
This place also feels safe, perhaps even from them. It felt a little like that before he met Danny, too, when his morning jogs always brought him here, but that morning all those months ago when he he'd met the distressed, dark haired young man who most certainly had not been fine despite insisting otherwise, that made this place special, untouchable.
He notices how Danny doesn't look at him when he arrives, which is so different from usual. That alone makes Alex want to go to him, to touch him, to offer a and, but all he does is get closer, enough to stand beside him on the sidewalk, facing the water. He doesn't want to be distant, but he can already tell by the way Danny says his name that he was right, that there is something wrong.
And then there it is. We need to talk. The words feel so much like Danny's declaration that he ought to see other people, an incident that seems like months ago now. Much longer before that, too, before Danny, Alex remembers overhearing a talk between two of his coworkers at the office, a couple of more relaxed technicians. One of them went on about how his lady friend had texted him with a 'we need to talk' and the other had frowned and gone on to express how this was not a good thing at all. Alex had paid it little mind at the time, or tried to, as it only served to make him more aware of how alone he was.
But now, here, Danny is saying it. Is this it, he wonders, is this the end? His mouth opens momentarily to speak before he closes it again. He could say he's sorry, could ask Danny if he wants to leave, or promise things will be better or--
No. He closes his mouth, gives a nod, and just decides to wait for Danny to speak. The repeated text messages, toneless or not, and this choice of meeting place is enough for him to know that Danny must very badly want to say whatever it is he's going to, perhaps he's wanted to ever since this distance between them began. Alex could probably do more, perhaps, but waiting for Danny to talk seemed like the best option. Danny always seemed to take his silence as an assent to keep talking anyway, which it typically was. He liked to hear him talk.
Now he found himself dreading it in a way he hadn't since the start of their relationship.]
no subject
I told you I didn't want any secrets, not between us anymore.
[They may be alone, but Danny's never been the type to make a scene in public, that plus the expression on Alex's face draws him closer, close enough to touch but he doesn't touch him.]
I'd meant me, so I told you everything, because I had to. I couldn't tell you I loved you on one breath and not be honest on another.
[He's building up to what he wants to say, how he wants to say it, and swallows roughly.]
It was, um, fine before, that you didn't tell me everything. Your job, it's a secret, I've known that. You can't tell me everything, and that was okay. [Danny's hands curl up inside his pockets, and he flicks his head in frustration, raising his eyes to meet Alex's.] It's not anymore.
I love you so much, Alex. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I know this is all new to you, it just is, but.
[His tongue darts out, wetting his dry lips.]
You don't have to tell me everything, you don't have to be around all the time, you don't have to text or call me often. But you've been pulling away, we barely see each other. I miss you. [His face scrunches up.] Do you not want be with me anymore? Have I done something?