[The longer he was with Danny, the more Alex began to feel like this wasn't a great dream he would be violently woken from any moment. That he'd made the decision to fight for this, too, only bolstered this new certainty. Yes, they were under surveillance. Yes, he couldn't be open and honest with Danny like he wanted to, but if he finished his research then he could get out, and everything would be better after that. Knowing Danny loved him (Alex had said it, some weeks ago, mustered the courage) served only as further motivation. He felt guilty for every lie, but had to tell himself it was necessary, if Danny knew the truth he'd be in danger.
It was Thursday, and Alex had only left work an hour ago. As usual, he went to one of several crowded public places and worked on some of his calculations, all by hand, partly because he preferred making initial drafts of his creations like that. He'd memorize the numbers and add them to the program later, perhaps before he saw Danny. Or perhaps he wouldn't see him that night, it didn't always happen. Alex would've lived with Danny if he could've, if it wouldn't have aroused suspicion from his employers, but for now he had to remain inside that flat of his. Only it felt less like his now more than it ever had, Danny's flat had begun to feel like home. Not because of the space, but because it was Danny's, because Danny felt like home. His chest swells with fondness every time he thinks of this, and he wants to tell him, but he doesn't, not yet. One day he will.
It's as he's leaving the cafe, the sun hanging low in the London sky, that he feels the vibration of his cell phone against his hip. When he pulls it out and sees Danny's name written on the screen, he feels that fondness again, practically forgetting that his phone is very likely being monitored, just as Danny's phone probably is now, too. He'd get new ones for both of them if he had a way to explain it and if that wouldn't give everything away, s surely his employers would absolutely notice if they suddenly couldn't track Danny's calls and listen to them anymore. Perhaps later he will write a program to deal with this problem, but it angers him to think that he can't shield Danny entirely from surveillance without giving it all away.
Besides, calls were often unusual, texting was Danny's preferred method, as one would expect of someone in their youth, or who seemed young. Alex actually preferred texting, too, sometimes, but there was something nice to hearing Danny's voice, something sweet and personal. He drags his thumb along the screen to answer the call, bringing the phone to his ear. There's an unmistakable note of happiness in his voice when he speaks:] Hello.
[So they'll likely be seeing each other tonight after all. Good thing Danny's flat is within walking distance, he finds he likes doing that more than driving.]
[Honestly, he's not sure what's gotten into him. Alex, probably, because he was so completely and utterly besotted. They've even said that they love each other. He feels safe, happy, and like he has a future; it was a combination that left him seeking more contact from Alex, more ways to connect with him. All the possibilities swim through his mind, things they can do together, things that Alex has never done.
Danny never once thought he'd fancy someone who is inexperienced, but here he is thinking that he'd rather not have it any other way. He liked the slow way they learned one another, and even though Danny wasn't against taking risks, he only took this particular risk, made this phone call, because he thought they were in a place that it would be wanted, well received.]
Hey, Alex. Are you alone?
[He pauses, no, wait.]
I mean, uh, alone enough to have a quick conversation.
[Danny takes a slow breath, only a little bit nervous.]
I was thinkin', maybe, that you could come over today, and I could tell you now all the things I want to do to you when you get here.
[Alex isn't terribly bothered by the way the question is asked because he's more wondering why, exactly, Danny would ask that. Well, that and feeling guilty for the lie he's about to tell, because they are not alone, and he is always being watched, he has been since he joined the intelligence service. They keep a close eye on their assets, particularly the rare ones like himself. Funny that, he's felt lonely his whole life, including the years he'd worked for them, but during that time he was never actually alone, not technically.]
Yes. [He answers, almsot at once, trying to shove down the guilt he feels. And then he catches that slow breath and wonders at it, if he could see Danny's face he'd have a better idea, but it could mean any number of things now. Then again, he knows he won't need to wait long, Danny is very forthcoming, after all.]
I hoped you'd want me to. [It's a quick, simple answer, and entirely true. He's glad to hear that's why Danny called, to invite him over, and this is enough to fend off the guilt, for now. But then... Alex's breath hitches at the words, because they're damn clear: things I want to do to you. All the suggestion is right there and he's standing outside the cafe with people walking back and forth, paying him no mind, while his boyfriend is on the phone offering to tell him things that are no doubt going to be filthy.
He stiffens, unable to stop the thrill that goes through him. What has Danny done to him? This is a phone call, he has to give a reply, to voice it, he can't just look at Danny with silent communication or wait to be asked what he's thinking. Still, he doesn't even know what the hell he's doing, or why, when he answers, voice just a little bit tight:] What things?
[This isn't a private conversation, he knows it isn't, and yet he's going to allow it anyway, doesn't want to push away Dany's advances. And because he wants to do it, he knows what this is, has heard about it, and he wants it now, even if he is woefully ill equipped to really partake in it. But that doesn't mean he won't be an enthusiastic participant when he gets back home, back to Danny's flat.
He turns, walking down the street, hoping he'll be able to navigate it with the wonderful distraction he knows is about to happen.]
[Of course he does, he'd prefer Alex were over at his flat more often than he is, but their schedules, their lives don't allow for it. He wanted them to live together, if not at Danny's then at Alex's, and if not there a new place all their own. Yes, probably that, but he thought it might be too soon, was probably too soon, to bring any of that up.
Danny relaxes physically when Alex responds, as close to a continue as he's likely to get in a situation like this one. That newly found calm seeps into his voice, makes him bolder, more confident in what he's going to say, what he will say.]
Sara and Pavel are gonna be out, all night, and won't be back til the mornin'.
[He shifts the phone, laying back on the couch, eyes to the ceiling.]
So, uh, that means we'll have the place to ourselves.
[Danny waits, listens to the sounds he can hear coming in through the phone, what Alex is doing, where he might be at right now.]
When you get here, I wanna take your clothes off. Slowly, we don't have to rush, we can take our time. [A man as beautiful Alex should be appreciated, slowly undressed and broken apart.] I'll unbutton your shirt, kiss every inch of your chest, work my way lower.
[He exhales shakily, each word easier than the word before it.]
[Weeks ago, when he was younger and more naive, more innocent (at least of these things), Alex would've asked Danny what he wanted to do if they had the whole place to themselves, would've assumed maybe they might take the TV and watch a film or try cooking some elaborate meal. But even without the earlier hint (Danny wanted to tell him what he was going to do to him, the words are still spinning through his mind), he knows precisely what will happen when he gets there, knows they'll spend the whole evening in bed. Or maybe not even in bed, maybe in other rooms of the flat, too, their attentions focussed solely on each other. Danny has really expanded his horizons, is still expanding them, showing him all the things sex could be, all the places it could happen, all the different ways they can bring each other pleasure.
Another sharp intake of breath as Danny describes what he'll be doing, and Alex turns off into a less crowded side street, a short cut that will get him home sooner. Nineteen minutes from now at his current speed. Danny will be able to hear the sounds of cars on the street fading slightly, of people chattering away if he listens, while Alex tunes all of that out, alternating between counting the seconds as he walks and letting himself be distracted completely.
The picture Danny paints is a lovely one. he can see himself standing in the flat's living room, suit jacket and tie set aside, white shirt open while Danny's lips press against his skin, leaving a trail of kisses as he descends, every touch making Alex shudder. Certain he knows where this is going, his breath hitches once more, a spark of arousal sliding down his spine. And he already knows what he would do, too, imagines it; his hands in Danny's hair, or maybe holding his wrists, squeezing them, fingers digging in to leave marks and making it so Danny can only use his mouth...
Alex knows he should say it, should respond, supply the narrative with something, because that's how phone sex works. But there's no way he can possibly summon up the courage and kill the embarrassment to say anything of the sort, not in public. not with people around him who might hear the words. Maybe if he were alone--it's easy to pretend this call isn't likely being monitored, mostly because he has no other choice--then he would've said something more substantial than what he manages:] And then what? [His voice is again tight, clearly on edge, as he rounds a corner and tries not to look at anyone, listening intently.
He walks faster now, too, the calculation of his eta altered to fifteen minutes.]
[Danny is an aspiring writer and poet, in his own way, but he always seems to fall short of saying exactly what he means to say. This, phone sex, isn't exactly the same as that, but it is in a way something similar. He has to form the words, attractive and sexy phrases, and then deliver them back to Alex. And he's afraid of falling short with this.
He's so quiet for a second, listening to the sounds of the cars, the people, knowing that Alex is outside and can't possibly say anything. He'd practiced for this. Again and again in front of the mirror, then in the kitchen as he made a cup of tea, and now he wasn't sure what to say next. Would Alex think he was silly? That he should stop, that he should just wait until he gets here and th-
And then what?
Alex's deep voice comes through the phone and all the tension eases from Danny's shoulders, from the base of his neck where it coils up the tightest, and he relaxes on the couch with an easy grin on his face. Alex, though he can't say much, he's got his reasons, wants him to do this. Maybe he'll hurry home, maybe he'll come back to the flat and fuck Danny in some place that isn't Danny's bedroom.]
Then, Alex, I'm gonna suck you off. Not like the other times, nothing like that. I'm gonna go slow, and when you feel like you're gonna come, I'll stop.
[He shifts on the couch, loudly and rustling his clothing in hopes that Alex can tell that he's laying down, that he might think he's doing more than just laying there.]
I'll kiss my way back up your stomach, and kiss you until we're both breathless. I'll turn you around, kiss the soft skin of your shoulders, your spine, lower back, and I'll use my fingers to open you up. But I won't fuck you yet. I'll let you get so close, you'll want me, and you'll be close enough you'll want to come again, but I'll wait.
[They've discussed it before, have experimented briefly, but never in the way that Danny is describing it.]
[Oh... He had known something was coming, but even so Alex wasn't entirely prepared for the sheer filth contained within the words. There is a curl of heat in his belly as Danny paints such a wonderful picture. He can see him, on his knees, taking Alex's cock into his mouth, head bobbing up and down, slower than usual, but he has no doubts at all that it'll feel so, so good. He can barely keep himself from groaning low at the thought, as Danny describes it. It's always enough to pull some sounds from his lips, no matter how hard he might try to keep them in. It's become a favourite of his, Danny's mouth on his cock, the swipe of Danny's tongue, or the way he'll hum or moan to signal his enjoyment. Alex can never quite resist it.
He adds nothing to the fantasy, of course, not with any words. In his mind he imagines what he'll do, though, should this lovely picture turn to reality the moment he gets home. And he has no doubt it will, considering how he hears Danny moving around on the couch (or the bed, he doesn't know which), suspects perhaps he'll be reaching into his pants to take himself in hand while he continues the narrative.
As if imagining Danny sucking him off isn't enough, imagining being denied of release, and then thinking of how Danny might be touching himself right now has Alex's excitement move beyond pure arousal. he can feel himself hardening in his fancy dress pants and suddenly he's thankful they're not very tight, that his coat is long. Well, if Danny doesn't immediately start something when he arrives, Alex certainly will. He'd never have thought that a month ago, but they've grown closer since then, and he feels confident initiating, at least sometimes.
There is another catch of his breath when Danny continues, every filthy word going straight to his cock now. He imagines how it'll feel to kiss Danny back, how much desire he'll put into it, while his hands grip at the other man's hips, fingers digging in in his excitement.
The rest of what Danny describes actually does pull a soft, quiet sound from his lips, something he hasn't quite got a name for, something between a gasp and a groan, perhaps. Because Alex has come to love having Danny's fingers in him, too, even when it's not a sweet prelude to the exquisite feel of Danny's cock pushing into him. It's always wonderful in and of itself, and he can't believe he's so wound up here on the street, nearly bumping into a passerby because he's that distracted, all from words about Danny doing something to him he's not experienced before. Denial sounds like a wonderful thing, if Danny's reactions to it during their brief experimentation were anything to go by.]
Danny... [He breathes out the name, as if he's tasting it, all his eagerness so evident. He forgets he;s in public for a moment, too, but catches himself a second later, is glad there's not anyone on the sidewalk near him now.] What will you do next?
[His cock is near fully erect in the confines of his pants now. He thinks, momentarily, about stopping to button up his coat, but that would waste time, as he's only ten minutes away now. Just ten minutes. He pulls his coat closed as much as he can manage with one hand, looking forward, impatient for both the moment when he sees Danny's building and what words will be spoken next through the phone.]
[All those sounds, softer and steadily growing louder, cause sharp pangs of lust to shoot down, hardening his cock and flushing his face with a pleased heat. Danny hadn't expected the sounds, but he wants them, wants them so much. It makes him want to say the dirtiest things imaginable, but he knows to go slow, to base what he says on what they've already done or what they've talked about doing.
It'll help it sound more convincing, give Alex something to picture as he makes his was back to Danny's flat, back to his home. The way he says his name results in a groan, low and harsh and filthy.]
I'll put my mouth on you, until your, uh, until your wet and so ready for me to fuck you that you'll beg me to. That you won't be able to say anythin' but my name.
[He realizes after he's said it they've never discussed rimming, and he wonders if Alex might enjoy something so completely intimate, almost more intimate than sex itself.]
Then, and only then, will I fuck you. Just as long, just as slow, and you won't be allowed to come until I say, until I'm ready to come, too.
[In theory, he knew that it might be a bit different than all that, that they'd have to work up to something like what he describes. That his words are dirty, hot, but that it would take practice, for them both to get to a point that they could do all that at one time. Danny would have to practice restraint, and Alex endurance.
Danny would want to give in, to let Alex come, again and again, as many times as he wants, but he could be strong if it benefited them both in the end.]
Alex? [His voice is low, he sounds wrecked.] How much longer?
[Somehow Alex manages not to make a sound in response to Danny's groan, but he can't help the soft, wanton noise that does escape him as the utterly filthy words continue. There's only a second of confusion about what Danny means when he says he's going to put his mouth on him, but Alex puts the two together fairly quickly. And that's... well... He'd not been so idle when it came to these things, not since he and Danny began dating; he'd taken a couple of opportunities to go online and learn. He was, after all, all about education, and he didn't want to be passive in this, he wanted to be able to come to Danny and ask for things they'd never tried or talked about. And rimming was one of those things, even if Danny was the one to bring it up, and in the most arousing way possible, too. He'd been unsure of it at first, when he read about it, but hearing it described like that, remembering all the insistence he'd found on how good it felt, he wanted to try it, even if he was still a bit sceptical.
Alex doesn't let these contemplations distract him much, though, as he easily picks up the internal countdown in his head: Five minutes now. Danny's building grows larger as he crosses the road, averting his gaze when he passes a couple on the sidewalk, sure his face is flushed as he listens to more of those filthy words. Again he lets himself imagine it, and this time Danny's lack of description about a position leads to him picturing being fucked against the wall, or perhaps bent over that small dresser in Danny's bedroom, or even somewhere in the kitchen or the hallway right by the entrance to the apartment. He can see himself begging, doing all the things Danny's described, and not just because he knows his lover's going to get off on that, but because Alex wants it, too, wants to be taken apart, pushed to the edge and held back, to learn exactly what that's going to feel like, and he hopes it's as good as he wants it to be.
Two minutes.
He breathes out slowly when he hears just how wrecked Danny's voice sounds, and he has to wonder once more if the other man has already undone his pants and begun stroking his cock in anticipation, he was probably already hard and wanting if the sound of his voice was anything to go by. Either way, Alex knows that if he were somewhere out of the public eye, somewhere safe and private, he probably wouldn't be able to resist the urge to touch himself, an urge he's given into many a time when he was home alone in his bed or showering after he'd gone for a run, always finding release to thoughts of Danny and the things they'd done, or things he wanted to do. Alex had never known, not until they met, that he could be so lustful, could want and need another person as much as he needed air.
Seeking to tease Danny a bit, because Alex knows he likes that, he is silent for the whole of that remaining minute and thirty seconds, not answering the question, just breathing softly into the phone and trying to remain composed, to keep from running the short distance to the door that grows larger before him. Those last few seconds before he reaches it almost feel like forever, his mind awash with the anticipation of feeling Danny's lithe body pressed against his own, getting to taste his mouth after what felt like too long.
Finally, finally he reaches the door to the apartment building, pushing it open as he speaks:] I'm here. [He pulls the phone slightly from his ear just to give Danny the chance to hear him coming up the stairs, which he can't help but take two at a time now. He has the key he was given in his hand as he reaches the door to the flat, shoving it in the lock and pushing it open. He barely remembers to pull it back out again, to close the door, or to hang up his phone and drop it into his pocket because Danny's already there, waiting for him in the hall.
Alex doesn't even take off his shoes or his coat, and the key slips from his hand as he strides across the short distance between, hands coming to rest on Danny's hips to pull him in as Alex captures his mouth in a filthy, open mouthed kiss. He can't help but rock his hips forward either, achingly hard cock pushing against Danny's like he wants nothing more than to stand here in the hallway and move against him like this until they both come in their pants.]
[The tension continues to build, higher with each second that passes where Alex says nothing. Danny wants to ask again, wants to beg him to say something, he can't stand it, but he knows he can, that Alex is going to be there soon, he just has to be patient. Even when his body is wound up all tight, he can still be patient, always for Alex.
I'm here.
Danny drops the phone, and pushes himself up from the couch. He doesn't straighten his clothes or hair, leaves himself rumpled, as he practically skips across the apartment to meet him. He stops there, in the middle of the hall, Alex isn't here yet, but he can hear him coming up the stairs, each step loud, his cheeks flushed in anticipation and arousal.]
Alex.
[He stays where he is, waiting, arms lifting and slipping around Alex's neck when he crosses the space between them. Danny's lips part on a gasp, it's so fucking hot how Alex is taking control, kissing him in a way that is so filthy, rubbing up against him, and Danny wants him so much.]
Fuck me, Alex. Fuck me.
[His mouth is barely a breath apart, hips rocking, and he steps backwards, guiding them towards the wall behind Danny. He wants to be pressed against it, kissed and pushed, and taken in all the ways that he only trusts Alex with.]
[Perhaps, judging by that gasp, Danny is surprised at this, that he'd brought Alex to this, done this to him. Alex is a bit surprised at himself, too, as his kisses Danny hard, tongue pushing into his mouth, a low groan escaping him in response to that gasp from Danny's lips. He never thought, never saw himself behaving like this, but Danny clearly loves every second of it.
Fuck me, Alex. Fuck me.
Oh. He stares at him, something clicking in his mind. That would be so... He hasn't even got a word for it. he remembers how amazing it feels to be fucked, to be so full, to have Danny pushing into him, and now he's being asked to give that, to do that, and the mere notion of it sends a surge of want right through him. There's no disguising it either, the hunger must be all over his face.
He's still thinking about how utterly exquisite that's going to be, even as he gets back to the kissing, when Danny pulls him to the wall. Such a good idea, yes, he immediately gets the message, shoving him back against it, hands still planted firmly on his hips, fingers digging in as he resumes the kissing for a moment, hips pushing forward. He moaned at the contact, a soft sound leaving him every time he felt his cock push against Danny's. Such a shame for the clothing in the way, but he didn't want to stop in order to remove it.
His lips kiss over Danny's cheek, then find his ear, and he whispers roughly:] Say it again.
[He's getting close, he can feel it, a few more minutes and he'll be coming, he's sure. He groans softly, head bowed, kissing Danny's neck now. He wants to hear him say those words again, maybe say more than that. Danny has never asked for this before and now Alex wants to give it to him, the moment he is able to.]
[Danny's arms slip up to loop around Alex's shoulders, distracted and rougher than he means to be, lips parting and eyes wide. He can tell how much Alex wants him, how he's into this and how they still can't seem to get enough of each other. It makes him feel electric, vibrant and so alive, to be wanted by someone to the point that they can't even make it to a solid surface that isn't a wall.
He pushes down a little on Alex's shoulders to give himself enough leverage to part his legs, socked-feet pressing to the floor, all so he can rock his hips.]
I want you to fuck me, Alex.
[His head drops back against the wall, canting to the left to give Alex more room to kiss him there. He's panting, cock hard, and desperate for the friction that they're giving each other.]
But, um, not just that, you know? I want you t-to open me up, like I do to you, and press me up against something.
[There's a moment where he thinks he might come to, hips jerking, rutting against each other, but he staves off his orgasm, at least for a moment. Danny doesn't want to come, not without Alex, together.]
Bend me over or just fuck me, fuck.
[Please, he almost wants to say, almost wants to beg. He's never wanted anyone the way he wants Alex, never wanted anyone so much in his whole life.]
[He'd asked Danny to say it again, and he ought to have known he'd get more than just the initial words. Perhaps he had, unconsciously, hoped Danny might say more filthy things, the effect it had on him was exquisite, like it unlocked something inside him, some desperate want. He's still rocking against him, cock hard to the point of aching now. He grips at Danny's thigh with his right hand, pulling it upward, wanting Danny to wrap his leg around him. The motion itself produces even greater friction, their hips grinding together. It has Alex wondering how it would feel to have his cock pressed against Danny's without the clothing in the way.
He moans, the sound muffled against Danny's neck as he kisses him there, even bites a little, too, eager to respond to the rough way Danny is holding onto him, to give something back to that.
Of course Danny's words stoke the fires of his imagination, just like they'd done earlier, like they always did. He doesn't just want to fuck him now, but to press slick fingers inside him, not just to open him up, even if that could be the intended purpose. No, he remembers how good fingering alone can feel, how amazing it is when Danny finds that one spot within him and presses against it over and over again, as well as the number of times he'd come just from that, almost always without meaning to. Not that Danny ever judged him for it, of course. And now Alex wants to try that himself, to make Danny come undone like that, with nothing more than three fingers buried inside, stretching him out and making him feel so, so good.
The movement of his hips grows more frantic now, and he's close, so close, feels like he's just at the edge of that cliff, his whole body warm and every nerve alight. He pulls his mouth back, moans softly again, then whispers, his voice wrecked in response to Danny's words:] Yes, Danny-- [He will fuck him, he absolutely intends to, might've even said so if he was more coherent.
His lips slide up along Danny's neck, then over his jaw, seeking out and finding his mouth. Alex kisses him hard, like he wants nothing else in the world. He can't be sure if it's the thoughts Danny's words have brought on, the way Danny feels against him--solid and warm and so very eager, his cock hard against Alex's--or how he tastes, but it doesn't matter because soon enough Alex is coming, his loud moan made quieter against his lover's mouth until he pulls away, somehow finding the restraint to silence himself.
He knows he'll be more aware of how uncomfortable and sticky his pants are soon, once the initial wave of euphoria settles, but for now he is far more interested in watching Danny than worrying about that.]
[It's almost too much, the rough drag of the fabric of his trousers across his cock, how good it feels to just be there, pressed to the wall and kissed and touched. Danny hikes his leg up, clumsily attempting to hook his leg at Alex's hip, and he thinks he should undo their trousers, wrap his fingers around both their cocks. Let them move that way, hips rolling, skin dragging against skin, but Danny forgets all that at the soft lips against his throat, teeth rough.]
You feel so good.
[Danny tugs at Alex's shirt, trying to expose more skin, touching everything that he can. He pushes his hips forward as much as he can with the pressure of Alex at his front and the wall at his back. He's close, too, just as close as Alex is, and he doesn't care that they're about to come like this. It's frantic and hot and makes him feel like he's young, desired.
His tongue darts out, lips parting against Alex's, prying them open. Danny wants to hear those sounds, the soft groans and softer gasps, they make it easier for him to come, too. His hips stutter, stomach tensing, mouth curving into a soundless o-shape as his orgasm hits him hard. Danny's whole body feels electric, overly warm and sensitive, breaths coming in shuddering waves.]
I'll have to do this again, call you.
[Forming sentences was more difficult than he'd thought they'd be, but he is trying. His body goes boneless, slumping against the wall, leg dragging down until his foot thumps to the floor.]
If you let go of me now, I'll fall to the floor, Alex.
[He's partially teasing, but not quite. He probably would fall with the way his body has gone all limp.]
[Any time he makes Danny come, or does anything to even indirectly contribute to it, Alex cannot help but feel a sense of pride about it. It's really so much like the first time he did it, all those months ago, when he'd taken Danny's cock in his hand and pulled the most beautiful reactions out of him, each one bringing some thought of how he was responsible for it, he'd made this person he loves feel so damn good. Sometimes that, coupled with the physical sensation of Danny touching him, or being inside him, or using his mouth, was enough to make him come.
This time Danny's orgasm is just as sweet, just as amazing as every other time, and Alex gladly parts his lips, gladly kisses him, opens up for him, gives him everything he has to aid in that sweet release, the one they reach together this time. He doesn't resist the hands pulling at his shirt either, almost regrets not taking it and their pants off before he'd given in and taken Danny in his arms.
When it's finally over, he watches Danny, smiles at him, his own breathes coming quickly, too. He doesn't speak until he feels like his voice will be steadier:] I'd like that. [A pause, then:] What you said earlier, all those things, will you do them, exactly as you described? [Because he would most certainly like that.
Alex's grip on him tightens then, holding him up. He feels just a little wobbly himself, enough that he has to lean against Danny, and the wall, but not too much, not enough for discomfort. He doesn't mind at all, the two of them pressed together like this.]
Then I won't let go. [He brushes their lips together now, stopping only to add:] I love you. [He kisses him again, all lazy and relaxed. He thinks he could've stayed there like this for a while, just exchanging kisses until they both either found a more comfortable surface or sank to the floor.
Except the stickiness of his pants is not remotely comfortable. He can only ignore it for so long until he pulls back, glancing down between them, smiling again.] We should shower. [Yes. "We." He might think something would happen during it, if they both didn't need time to rest. But then, the intimacy of it will be quite nice regardless.]
[He had nearly done it, nearly finished it, it was about 99% completely.
The final 1% was just a few little finishing touches he wanted to add to improve things. He'd also completely finished the viruses he intended to use to cover his escape, though he knew that such things wouldn't stand up for very long to the hackers MI6 employed, much less the security systems that even Alex, for all his brilliance, wouldn't have been able to bypass had he not been working there. But nonetheless this whole business should hopefully be finished soon. And though he'd hardly doubted himself it was still surprising to him that he'd made it this far without getting caught. Of course, if he didn't get out of London soon that would change.
He couldn't leave without Danny. But that also meant possibly telling Danny the truth, unless Alex simply asked him if they could go away for the weekend. Maybe that would work, maybe it would allow him to put off what was likely inevitable. Because regardless of Danny's continued defiance of his expectations, the admission that Alex had lied about his parents, about his job, and the danger he'd put Danny in just by being with him... Surely those things wouldn't be so easily cast aside as the other things had been. Surely Danny would want to leave when the truth came out.
Things hadn't been so good between them lately anyway, much as Alex tried to deny this to himself, probably because it was his fault. He'd been working more, or he'd told Danny that anyway, when he'd really been taking time to finish this thing he'd started that would set him free. He'd been more secretive, too, sometimes going one or two days at a time without contacting Danny at all. There'd been less time spent together, less sex, less talking, and as necessary as it all was, he'd never felt more guilty about all of it than he did right now. In some ways he felt like he was standing before a bridge and soon he would cross it and leave this life behind, but he may be doing it alone. He hated the thought, but there was no other way, and if he'd done nothing then they would've forced him to end things with Danny anyway, forced him to leave London and he'd've gone right back to being alone, going through the motions of a solitary, miserable existence that he'd become complacent in before.
He'd agreed to meet with Danny tonight, though; Alex missed spending time with him, wanted to have a few hours of freedom before he finally set everything in motion. He wasn't sure exactly where they'd be going, but Danny would be texting him the address shortly. Hopefully tonight wouldn't be the end of things, though he had a sense of foreboding that maybe, perhaps, it would be.]
[Danny was confused, a mess of emotions that he couldn't figure out where one ended and the other began. He's never loved anyone the way he loves Alex, never wanted anyone the way he wants Alex. But after everything Danny's told him, the harsh truths about his past that he shared, Alex is still lying to him.
He could excuse it, at first, because he knows everyone has their secrets, parts of themselves that it's easier to hide from the world. He thought he could understand because he loves Alex so much that a few lies couldn't diminish the way he feels.
But at some point. After he'd come home from work only to find out the Alex wasn't coming over, wasn't answering his texts, didn't want to see him, that he knew he couldn't do it like this anymore. He didn't want to think that Alex didn't love him as much, didn't want him as much, so it was easier to blame it on the lies and secrecy. Something was going on, it had to be that, and Alex was distancing himself because of it. He told himself that over and over, it wasn't him, it was the lies. Alex still loves him. Alex still wants him.
He invites Alex to meet him, almost demands it, though his text message has no tone, but he repeats himself a couple of times, makes it seem urgent. Danny tells Alex to meet him where they first met, that very first time, and then he slips his jacket on and goes to the bridge. He stands there, waiting, arms wrapped around himself, and it's late, so there aren't many people around. He doesn't want to have this conversation in their flats, knows that he'll be weak looking into those eyes if there's nothing around him to keep him steady.]
Alex.
[Danny takes a deep breath, keeps his eyes down and doesn't bring them up when Alex gets close.]
[It's an odd meeting place, to be sure, one he doesn't expect, but finding himself back on this bridge actually feels a bit nostalgic. That is not a feeling Alex has had a lot of experience with until recently. Not many things in his life to really feel like that about, save for a few stolen moments with his real mother, tainted though they are by other memories of Frances and that house.
This place also feels safe, perhaps even from them. It felt a little like that before he met Danny, too, when his morning jogs always brought him here, but that morning all those months ago when he he'd met the distressed, dark haired young man who most certainly had not been fine despite insisting otherwise, that made this place special, untouchable.
He notices how Danny doesn't look at him when he arrives, which is so different from usual. That alone makes Alex want to go to him, to touch him, to offer a and, but all he does is get closer, enough to stand beside him on the sidewalk, facing the water. He doesn't want to be distant, but he can already tell by the way Danny says his name that he was right, that there is something wrong.
And then there it is. We need to talk. The words feel so much like Danny's declaration that he ought to see other people, an incident that seems like months ago now. Much longer before that, too, before Danny, Alex remembers overhearing a talk between two of his coworkers at the office, a couple of more relaxed technicians. One of them went on about how his lady friend had texted him with a 'we need to talk' and the other had frowned and gone on to express how this was not a good thing at all. Alex had paid it little mind at the time, or tried to, as it only served to make him more aware of how alone he was.
But now, here, Danny is saying it. Is this it, he wonders, is this the end? His mouth opens momentarily to speak before he closes it again. He could say he's sorry, could ask Danny if he wants to leave, or promise things will be better or--
No. He closes his mouth, gives a nod, and just decides to wait for Danny to speak. The repeated text messages, toneless or not, and this choice of meeting place is enough for him to know that Danny must very badly want to say whatever it is he's going to, perhaps he's wanted to ever since this distance between them began. Alex could probably do more, perhaps, but waiting for Danny to talk seemed like the best option. Danny always seemed to take his silence as an assent to keep talking anyway, which it typically was. He liked to hear him talk.
Now he found himself dreading it in a way he hadn't since the start of their relationship.]
[Danny isn't sure if Alex's silence makes him feel better or worse, overall, but it sparks an unusual sense of agitation. He's hurt by it all, by everything, he's let Alex in closer than he has anyone else, and it makes him feel exposed and vulnerable. He struggles to keep his tone even, knows that Alex can tell that he's upset though he's trying to hide it.]
I told you I didn't want any secrets, not between us anymore.
[They may be alone, but Danny's never been the type to make a scene in public, that plus the expression on Alex's face draws him closer, close enough to touch but he doesn't touch him.]
I'd meant me, so I told you everything, because I had to. I couldn't tell you I loved you on one breath and not be honest on another.
[He's building up to what he wants to say, how he wants to say it, and swallows roughly.]
It was, um, fine before, that you didn't tell me everything. Your job, it's a secret, I've known that. You can't tell me everything, and that was okay. [Danny's hands curl up inside his pockets, and he flicks his head in frustration, raising his eyes to meet Alex's.] It's not anymore.
I love you so much, Alex. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I know this is all new to you, it just is, but.
[His tongue darts out, wetting his dry lips.]
You don't have to tell me everything, you don't have to be around all the time, you don't have to text or call me often. But you've been pulling away, we barely see each other. I miss you. [His face scrunches up.] Do you not want be with me anymore? Have I done something?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Phone seeex | After love confessions
It was Thursday, and Alex had only left work an hour ago. As usual, he went to one of several crowded public places and worked on some of his calculations, all by hand, partly because he preferred making initial drafts of his creations like that. He'd memorize the numbers and add them to the program later, perhaps before he saw Danny. Or perhaps he wouldn't see him that night, it didn't always happen. Alex would've lived with Danny if he could've, if it wouldn't have aroused suspicion from his employers, but for now he had to remain inside that flat of his. Only it felt less like his now more than it ever had, Danny's flat had begun to feel like home. Not because of the space, but because it was Danny's, because Danny felt like home. His chest swells with fondness every time he thinks of this, and he wants to tell him, but he doesn't, not yet. One day he will.
It's as he's leaving the cafe, the sun hanging low in the London sky, that he feels the vibration of his cell phone against his hip. When he pulls it out and sees Danny's name written on the screen, he feels that fondness again, practically forgetting that his phone is very likely being monitored, just as Danny's phone probably is now, too. He'd get new ones for both of them if he had a way to explain it and if that wouldn't give everything away, s surely his employers would absolutely notice if they suddenly couldn't track Danny's calls and listen to them anymore. Perhaps later he will write a program to deal with this problem, but it angers him to think that he can't shield Danny entirely from surveillance without giving it all away.
Besides, calls were often unusual, texting was Danny's preferred method, as one would expect of someone in their youth, or who seemed young. Alex actually preferred texting, too, sometimes, but there was something nice to hearing Danny's voice, something sweet and personal. He drags his thumb along the screen to answer the call, bringing the phone to his ear. There's an unmistakable note of happiness in his voice when he speaks:] Hello.
[So they'll likely be seeing each other tonight after all. Good thing Danny's flat is within walking distance, he finds he likes doing that more than driving.]
no subject
Danny never once thought he'd fancy someone who is inexperienced, but here he is thinking that he'd rather not have it any other way. He liked the slow way they learned one another, and even though Danny wasn't against taking risks, he only took this particular risk, made this phone call, because he thought they were in a place that it would be wanted, well received.]
Hey, Alex. Are you alone?
[He pauses, no, wait.]
I mean, uh, alone enough to have a quick conversation.
[Danny takes a slow breath, only a little bit nervous.]
I was thinkin', maybe, that you could come over today, and I could tell you now all the things I want to do to you when you get here.
no subject
Yes. [He answers, almsot at once, trying to shove down the guilt he feels. And then he catches that slow breath and wonders at it, if he could see Danny's face he'd have a better idea, but it could mean any number of things now. Then again, he knows he won't need to wait long, Danny is very forthcoming, after all.]
I hoped you'd want me to. [It's a quick, simple answer, and entirely true. He's glad to hear that's why Danny called, to invite him over, and this is enough to fend off the guilt, for now. But then... Alex's breath hitches at the words, because they're damn clear: things I want to do to you. All the suggestion is right there and he's standing outside the cafe with people walking back and forth, paying him no mind, while his boyfriend is on the phone offering to tell him things that are no doubt going to be filthy.
He stiffens, unable to stop the thrill that goes through him. What has Danny done to him? This is a phone call, he has to give a reply, to voice it, he can't just look at Danny with silent communication or wait to be asked what he's thinking. Still, he doesn't even know what the hell he's doing, or why, when he answers, voice just a little bit tight:] What things?
[This isn't a private conversation, he knows it isn't, and yet he's going to allow it anyway, doesn't want to push away Dany's advances. And because he wants to do it, he knows what this is, has heard about it, and he wants it now, even if he is woefully ill equipped to really partake in it. But that doesn't mean he won't be an enthusiastic participant when he gets back home, back to Danny's flat.
He turns, walking down the street, hoping he'll be able to navigate it with the wonderful distraction he knows is about to happen.]
no subject
Danny relaxes physically when Alex responds, as close to a continue as he's likely to get in a situation like this one. That newly found calm seeps into his voice, makes him bolder, more confident in what he's going to say, what he will say.]
Sara and Pavel are gonna be out, all night, and won't be back til the mornin'.
[He shifts the phone, laying back on the couch, eyes to the ceiling.]
So, uh, that means we'll have the place to ourselves.
[Danny waits, listens to the sounds he can hear coming in through the phone, what Alex is doing, where he might be at right now.]
When you get here, I wanna take your clothes off. Slowly, we don't have to rush, we can take our time. [A man as beautiful Alex should be appreciated, slowly undressed and broken apart.] I'll unbutton your shirt, kiss every inch of your chest, work my way lower.
[He exhales shakily, each word easier than the word before it.]
no subject
Another sharp intake of breath as Danny describes what he'll be doing, and Alex turns off into a less crowded side street, a short cut that will get him home sooner. Nineteen minutes from now at his current speed. Danny will be able to hear the sounds of cars on the street fading slightly, of people chattering away if he listens, while Alex tunes all of that out, alternating between counting the seconds as he walks and letting himself be distracted completely.
The picture Danny paints is a lovely one. he can see himself standing in the flat's living room, suit jacket and tie set aside, white shirt open while Danny's lips press against his skin, leaving a trail of kisses as he descends, every touch making Alex shudder. Certain he knows where this is going, his breath hitches once more, a spark of arousal sliding down his spine. And he already knows what he would do, too, imagines it; his hands in Danny's hair, or maybe holding his wrists, squeezing them, fingers digging in to leave marks and making it so Danny can only use his mouth...
Alex knows he should say it, should respond, supply the narrative with something, because that's how phone sex works. But there's no way he can possibly summon up the courage and kill the embarrassment to say anything of the sort, not in public. not with people around him who might hear the words. Maybe if he were alone--it's easy to pretend this call isn't likely being monitored, mostly because he has no other choice--then he would've said something more substantial than what he manages:] And then what? [His voice is again tight, clearly on edge, as he rounds a corner and tries not to look at anyone, listening intently.
He walks faster now, too, the calculation of his eta altered to fifteen minutes.]
no subject
He's so quiet for a second, listening to the sounds of the cars, the people, knowing that Alex is outside and can't possibly say anything. He'd practiced for this. Again and again in front of the mirror, then in the kitchen as he made a cup of tea, and now he wasn't sure what to say next. Would Alex think he was silly? That he should stop, that he should just wait until he gets here and th-
And then what?
Alex's deep voice comes through the phone and all the tension eases from Danny's shoulders, from the base of his neck where it coils up the tightest, and he relaxes on the couch with an easy grin on his face. Alex, though he can't say much, he's got his reasons, wants him to do this. Maybe he'll hurry home, maybe he'll come back to the flat and fuck Danny in some place that isn't Danny's bedroom.]
Then, Alex, I'm gonna suck you off. Not like the other times, nothing like that. I'm gonna go slow, and when you feel like you're gonna come, I'll stop.
[He shifts on the couch, loudly and rustling his clothing in hopes that Alex can tell that he's laying down, that he might think he's doing more than just laying there.]
I'll kiss my way back up your stomach, and kiss you until we're both breathless. I'll turn you around, kiss the soft skin of your shoulders, your spine, lower back, and I'll use my fingers to open you up. But I won't fuck you yet. I'll let you get so close, you'll want me, and you'll be close enough you'll want to come again, but I'll wait.
[They've discussed it before, have experimented briefly, but never in the way that Danny is describing it.]
Ask me what I'll do next, Alex.
no subject
He adds nothing to the fantasy, of course, not with any words. In his mind he imagines what he'll do, though, should this lovely picture turn to reality the moment he gets home. And he has no doubt it will, considering how he hears Danny moving around on the couch (or the bed, he doesn't know which), suspects perhaps he'll be reaching into his pants to take himself in hand while he continues the narrative.
As if imagining Danny sucking him off isn't enough, imagining being denied of release, and then thinking of how Danny might be touching himself right now has Alex's excitement move beyond pure arousal. he can feel himself hardening in his fancy dress pants and suddenly he's thankful they're not very tight, that his coat is long. Well, if Danny doesn't immediately start something when he arrives, Alex certainly will. He'd never have thought that a month ago, but they've grown closer since then, and he feels confident initiating, at least sometimes.
There is another catch of his breath when Danny continues, every filthy word going straight to his cock now. He imagines how it'll feel to kiss Danny back, how much desire he'll put into it, while his hands grip at the other man's hips, fingers digging in in his excitement.
The rest of what Danny describes actually does pull a soft, quiet sound from his lips, something he hasn't quite got a name for, something between a gasp and a groan, perhaps. Because Alex has come to love having Danny's fingers in him, too, even when it's not a sweet prelude to the exquisite feel of Danny's cock pushing into him. It's always wonderful in and of itself, and he can't believe he's so wound up here on the street, nearly bumping into a passerby because he's that distracted, all from words about Danny doing something to him he's not experienced before. Denial sounds like a wonderful thing, if Danny's reactions to it during their brief experimentation were anything to go by.]
Danny... [He breathes out the name, as if he's tasting it, all his eagerness so evident. He forgets he;s in public for a moment, too, but catches himself a second later, is glad there's not anyone on the sidewalk near him now.] What will you do next?
[His cock is near fully erect in the confines of his pants now. He thinks, momentarily, about stopping to button up his coat, but that would waste time, as he's only ten minutes away now. Just ten minutes. He pulls his coat closed as much as he can manage with one hand, looking forward, impatient for both the moment when he sees Danny's building and what words will be spoken next through the phone.]
no subject
It'll help it sound more convincing, give Alex something to picture as he makes his was back to Danny's flat, back to his home. The way he says his name results in a groan, low and harsh and filthy.]
I'll put my mouth on you, until your, uh, until your wet and so ready for me to fuck you that you'll beg me to. That you won't be able to say anythin' but my name.
[He realizes after he's said it they've never discussed rimming, and he wonders if Alex might enjoy something so completely intimate, almost more intimate than sex itself.]
Then, and only then, will I fuck you. Just as long, just as slow, and you won't be allowed to come until I say, until I'm ready to come, too.
[In theory, he knew that it might be a bit different than all that, that they'd have to work up to something like what he describes. That his words are dirty, hot, but that it would take practice, for them both to get to a point that they could do all that at one time. Danny would have to practice restraint, and Alex endurance.
Danny would want to give in, to let Alex come, again and again, as many times as he wants, but he could be strong if it benefited them both in the end.]
Alex? [His voice is low, he sounds wrecked.] How much longer?
/quietly steals icon
Alex doesn't let these contemplations distract him much, though, as he easily picks up the internal countdown in his head: Five minutes now. Danny's building grows larger as he crosses the road, averting his gaze when he passes a couple on the sidewalk, sure his face is flushed as he listens to more of those filthy words. Again he lets himself imagine it, and this time Danny's lack of description about a position leads to him picturing being fucked against the wall, or perhaps bent over that small dresser in Danny's bedroom, or even somewhere in the kitchen or the hallway right by the entrance to the apartment. He can see himself begging, doing all the things Danny's described, and not just because he knows his lover's going to get off on that, but because Alex wants it, too, wants to be taken apart, pushed to the edge and held back, to learn exactly what that's going to feel like, and he hopes it's as good as he wants it to be.
Two minutes.
He breathes out slowly when he hears just how wrecked Danny's voice sounds, and he has to wonder once more if the other man has already undone his pants and begun stroking his cock in anticipation, he was probably already hard and wanting if the sound of his voice was anything to go by. Either way, Alex knows that if he were somewhere out of the public eye, somewhere safe and private, he probably wouldn't be able to resist the urge to touch himself, an urge he's given into many a time when he was home alone in his bed or showering after he'd gone for a run, always finding release to thoughts of Danny and the things they'd done, or things he wanted to do. Alex had never known, not until they met, that he could be so lustful, could want and need another person as much as he needed air.
Seeking to tease Danny a bit, because Alex knows he likes that, he is silent for the whole of that remaining minute and thirty seconds, not answering the question, just breathing softly into the phone and trying to remain composed, to keep from running the short distance to the door that grows larger before him. Those last few seconds before he reaches it almost feel like forever, his mind awash with the anticipation of feeling Danny's lithe body pressed against his own, getting to taste his mouth after what felt like too long.
Finally, finally he reaches the door to the apartment building, pushing it open as he speaks:] I'm here. [He pulls the phone slightly from his ear just to give Danny the chance to hear him coming up the stairs, which he can't help but take two at a time now. He has the key he was given in his hand as he reaches the door to the flat, shoving it in the lock and pushing it open. He barely remembers to pull it back out again, to close the door, or to hang up his phone and drop it into his pocket because Danny's already there, waiting for him in the hall.
Alex doesn't even take off his shoes or his coat, and the key slips from his hand as he strides across the short distance between, hands coming to rest on Danny's hips to pull him in as Alex captures his mouth in a filthy, open mouthed kiss. He can't help but rock his hips forward either, achingly hard cock pushing against Danny's like he wants nothing more than to stand here in the hallway and move against him like this until they both come in their pants.]
how dare
I'm here.
Danny drops the phone, and pushes himself up from the couch. He doesn't straighten his clothes or hair, leaves himself rumpled, as he practically skips across the apartment to meet him. He stops there, in the middle of the hall, Alex isn't here yet, but he can hear him coming up the stairs, each step loud, his cheeks flushed in anticipation and arousal.]
Alex.
[He stays where he is, waiting, arms lifting and slipping around Alex's neck when he crosses the space between them. Danny's lips part on a gasp, it's so fucking hot how Alex is taking control, kissing him in a way that is so filthy, rubbing up against him, and Danny wants him so much.]
Fuck me, Alex. Fuck me.
[His mouth is barely a breath apart, hips rocking, and he steps backwards, guiding them towards the wall behind Danny. He wants to be pressed against it, kissed and pushed, and taken in all the ways that he only trusts Alex with.]
no how dare you
Fuck me, Alex. Fuck me.
Oh. He stares at him, something clicking in his mind. That would be so... He hasn't even got a word for it. he remembers how amazing it feels to be fucked, to be so full, to have Danny pushing into him, and now he's being asked to give that, to do that, and the mere notion of it sends a surge of want right through him. There's no disguising it either, the hunger must be all over his face.
He's still thinking about how utterly exquisite that's going to be, even as he gets back to the kissing, when Danny pulls him to the wall. Such a good idea, yes, he immediately gets the message, shoving him back against it, hands still planted firmly on his hips, fingers digging in as he resumes the kissing for a moment, hips pushing forward. He moaned at the contact, a soft sound leaving him every time he felt his cock push against Danny's. Such a shame for the clothing in the way, but he didn't want to stop in order to remove it.
His lips kiss over Danny's cheek, then find his ear, and he whispers roughly:] Say it again.
[He's getting close, he can feel it, a few more minutes and he'll be coming, he's sure. He groans softly, head bowed, kissing Danny's neck now. He wants to hear him say those words again, maybe say more than that. Danny has never asked for this before and now Alex wants to give it to him, the moment he is able to.]
no subject
He pushes down a little on Alex's shoulders to give himself enough leverage to part his legs, socked-feet pressing to the floor, all so he can rock his hips.]
I want you to fuck me, Alex.
[His head drops back against the wall, canting to the left to give Alex more room to kiss him there. He's panting, cock hard, and desperate for the friction that they're giving each other.]
But, um, not just that, you know? I want you t-to open me up, like I do to you, and press me up against something.
[There's a moment where he thinks he might come to, hips jerking, rutting against each other, but he staves off his orgasm, at least for a moment. Danny doesn't want to come, not without Alex, together.]
Bend me over or just fuck me, fuck.
[Please, he almost wants to say, almost wants to beg. He's never wanted anyone the way he wants Alex, never wanted anyone so much in his whole life.]
no subject
He moans, the sound muffled against Danny's neck as he kisses him there, even bites a little, too, eager to respond to the rough way Danny is holding onto him, to give something back to that.
Of course Danny's words stoke the fires of his imagination, just like they'd done earlier, like they always did. He doesn't just want to fuck him now, but to press slick fingers inside him, not just to open him up, even if that could be the intended purpose. No, he remembers how good fingering alone can feel, how amazing it is when Danny finds that one spot within him and presses against it over and over again, as well as the number of times he'd come just from that, almost always without meaning to. Not that Danny ever judged him for it, of course. And now Alex wants to try that himself, to make Danny come undone like that, with nothing more than three fingers buried inside, stretching him out and making him feel so, so good.
The movement of his hips grows more frantic now, and he's close, so close, feels like he's just at the edge of that cliff, his whole body warm and every nerve alight. He pulls his mouth back, moans softly again, then whispers, his voice wrecked in response to Danny's words:] Yes, Danny-- [He will fuck him, he absolutely intends to, might've even said so if he was more coherent.
His lips slide up along Danny's neck, then over his jaw, seeking out and finding his mouth. Alex kisses him hard, like he wants nothing else in the world. He can't be sure if it's the thoughts Danny's words have brought on, the way Danny feels against him--solid and warm and so very eager, his cock hard against Alex's--or how he tastes, but it doesn't matter because soon enough Alex is coming, his loud moan made quieter against his lover's mouth until he pulls away, somehow finding the restraint to silence himself.
He knows he'll be more aware of how uncomfortable and sticky his pants are soon, once the initial wave of euphoria settles, but for now he is far more interested in watching Danny than worrying about that.]
no subject
You feel so good.
[Danny tugs at Alex's shirt, trying to expose more skin, touching everything that he can. He pushes his hips forward as much as he can with the pressure of Alex at his front and the wall at his back. He's close, too, just as close as Alex is, and he doesn't care that they're about to come like this. It's frantic and hot and makes him feel like he's young, desired.
His tongue darts out, lips parting against Alex's, prying them open. Danny wants to hear those sounds, the soft groans and softer gasps, they make it easier for him to come, too. His hips stutter, stomach tensing, mouth curving into a soundless o-shape as his orgasm hits him hard. Danny's whole body feels electric, overly warm and sensitive, breaths coming in shuddering waves.]
I'll have to do this again, call you.
[Forming sentences was more difficult than he'd thought they'd be, but he is trying. His body goes boneless, slumping against the wall, leg dragging down until his foot thumps to the floor.]
If you let go of me now, I'll fall to the floor, Alex.
[He's partially teasing, but not quite. He probably would fall with the way his body has gone all limp.]
no subject
This time Danny's orgasm is just as sweet, just as amazing as every other time, and Alex gladly parts his lips, gladly kisses him, opens up for him, gives him everything he has to aid in that sweet release, the one they reach together this time. He doesn't resist the hands pulling at his shirt either, almost regrets not taking it and their pants off before he'd given in and taken Danny in his arms.
When it's finally over, he watches Danny, smiles at him, his own breathes coming quickly, too. He doesn't speak until he feels like his voice will be steadier:] I'd like that. [A pause, then:] What you said earlier, all those things, will you do them, exactly as you described? [Because he would most certainly like that.
Alex's grip on him tightens then, holding him up. He feels just a little wobbly himself, enough that he has to lean against Danny, and the wall, but not too much, not enough for discomfort. He doesn't mind at all, the two of them pressed together like this.]
Then I won't let go. [He brushes their lips together now, stopping only to add:] I love you. [He kisses him again, all lazy and relaxed. He thinks he could've stayed there like this for a while, just exchanging kisses until they both either found a more comfortable surface or sank to the floor.
Except the stickiness of his pants is not remotely comfortable. He can only ignore it for so long until he pulls back, glancing down between them, smiling again.] We should shower. [Yes. "We." He might think something would happen during it, if they both didn't need time to rest. But then, the intimacy of it will be quite nice regardless.]
that AU thing
The final 1% was just a few little finishing touches he wanted to add to improve things. He'd also completely finished the viruses he intended to use to cover his escape, though he knew that such things wouldn't stand up for very long to the hackers MI6 employed, much less the security systems that even Alex, for all his brilliance, wouldn't have been able to bypass had he not been working there. But nonetheless this whole business should hopefully be finished soon. And though he'd hardly doubted himself it was still surprising to him that he'd made it this far without getting caught. Of course, if he didn't get out of London soon that would change.
He couldn't leave without Danny. But that also meant possibly telling Danny the truth, unless Alex simply asked him if they could go away for the weekend. Maybe that would work, maybe it would allow him to put off what was likely inevitable. Because regardless of Danny's continued defiance of his expectations, the admission that Alex had lied about his parents, about his job, and the danger he'd put Danny in just by being with him... Surely those things wouldn't be so easily cast aside as the other things had been. Surely Danny would want to leave when the truth came out.
Things hadn't been so good between them lately anyway, much as Alex tried to deny this to himself, probably because it was his fault. He'd been working more, or he'd told Danny that anyway, when he'd really been taking time to finish this thing he'd started that would set him free. He'd been more secretive, too, sometimes going one or two days at a time without contacting Danny at all. There'd been less time spent together, less sex, less talking, and as necessary as it all was, he'd never felt more guilty about all of it than he did right now. In some ways he felt like he was standing before a bridge and soon he would cross it and leave this life behind, but he may be doing it alone. He hated the thought, but there was no other way, and if he'd done nothing then they would've forced him to end things with Danny anyway, forced him to leave London and he'd've gone right back to being alone, going through the motions of a solitary, miserable existence that he'd become complacent in before.
He'd agreed to meet with Danny tonight, though; Alex missed spending time with him, wanted to have a few hours of freedom before he finally set everything in motion. He wasn't sure exactly where they'd be going, but Danny would be texting him the address shortly. Hopefully tonight wouldn't be the end of things, though he had a sense of foreboding that maybe, perhaps, it would be.]
no subject
He could excuse it, at first, because he knows everyone has their secrets, parts of themselves that it's easier to hide from the world. He thought he could understand because he loves Alex so much that a few lies couldn't diminish the way he feels.
But at some point. After he'd come home from work only to find out the Alex wasn't coming over, wasn't answering his texts, didn't want to see him, that he knew he couldn't do it like this anymore. He didn't want to think that Alex didn't love him as much, didn't want him as much, so it was easier to blame it on the lies and secrecy. Something was going on, it had to be that, and Alex was distancing himself because of it. He told himself that over and over, it wasn't him, it was the lies. Alex still loves him. Alex still wants him.
He invites Alex to meet him, almost demands it, though his text message has no tone, but he repeats himself a couple of times, makes it seem urgent. Danny tells Alex to meet him where they first met, that very first time, and then he slips his jacket on and goes to the bridge. He stands there, waiting, arms wrapped around himself, and it's late, so there aren't many people around. He doesn't want to have this conversation in their flats, knows that he'll be weak looking into those eyes if there's nothing around him to keep him steady.]
Alex.
[Danny takes a deep breath, keeps his eyes down and doesn't bring them up when Alex gets close.]
We need to talk.
no subject
This place also feels safe, perhaps even from them. It felt a little like that before he met Danny, too, when his morning jogs always brought him here, but that morning all those months ago when he he'd met the distressed, dark haired young man who most certainly had not been fine despite insisting otherwise, that made this place special, untouchable.
He notices how Danny doesn't look at him when he arrives, which is so different from usual. That alone makes Alex want to go to him, to touch him, to offer a and, but all he does is get closer, enough to stand beside him on the sidewalk, facing the water. He doesn't want to be distant, but he can already tell by the way Danny says his name that he was right, that there is something wrong.
And then there it is. We need to talk. The words feel so much like Danny's declaration that he ought to see other people, an incident that seems like months ago now. Much longer before that, too, before Danny, Alex remembers overhearing a talk between two of his coworkers at the office, a couple of more relaxed technicians. One of them went on about how his lady friend had texted him with a 'we need to talk' and the other had frowned and gone on to express how this was not a good thing at all. Alex had paid it little mind at the time, or tried to, as it only served to make him more aware of how alone he was.
But now, here, Danny is saying it. Is this it, he wonders, is this the end? His mouth opens momentarily to speak before he closes it again. He could say he's sorry, could ask Danny if he wants to leave, or promise things will be better or--
No. He closes his mouth, gives a nod, and just decides to wait for Danny to speak. The repeated text messages, toneless or not, and this choice of meeting place is enough for him to know that Danny must very badly want to say whatever it is he's going to, perhaps he's wanted to ever since this distance between them began. Alex could probably do more, perhaps, but waiting for Danny to talk seemed like the best option. Danny always seemed to take his silence as an assent to keep talking anyway, which it typically was. He liked to hear him talk.
Now he found himself dreading it in a way he hadn't since the start of their relationship.]
no subject
I told you I didn't want any secrets, not between us anymore.
[They may be alone, but Danny's never been the type to make a scene in public, that plus the expression on Alex's face draws him closer, close enough to touch but he doesn't touch him.]
I'd meant me, so I told you everything, because I had to. I couldn't tell you I loved you on one breath and not be honest on another.
[He's building up to what he wants to say, how he wants to say it, and swallows roughly.]
It was, um, fine before, that you didn't tell me everything. Your job, it's a secret, I've known that. You can't tell me everything, and that was okay. [Danny's hands curl up inside his pockets, and he flicks his head in frustration, raising his eyes to meet Alex's.] It's not anymore.
I love you so much, Alex. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I know this is all new to you, it just is, but.
[His tongue darts out, wetting his dry lips.]
You don't have to tell me everything, you don't have to be around all the time, you don't have to text or call me often. But you've been pulling away, we barely see each other. I miss you. [His face scrunches up.] Do you not want be with me anymore? Have I done something?